The 9 Phases of Revising

Revising a manuscript is like being an old, rickety rollercoaster with no brakes and zombies climbing over the back cars to get to you while the ride plunges to the earth. Sometimes, like at the top of the ride, before you knew about the zombies or the brakes, you’re like, “This is pretty nice.” But then you look closer and realize there’s not thing nice about it.

When the excitement of finishing a first draft wears off, revising goes in stages*:

This is terrible. 

Did I really write something so terrible?

But maybe if I— Aha! I know how to fix it.

This is going to be so easy!

Sleep? What is that? What day is it?

WTF?

I hate this manuscript.

I wish you would just fall of a cliff AND DIE! And bleed to death slowly like the piece of crap you are!!!

I’m finished! I love you I love you I love you I LOVE YOU!!

*I'm at stage 5 right now...