Why Reading Bad Books Is Good

FADE IN:

INT. TRACEY’S APARTMENT – DAY

A dim room with the curtains still drawn from the night before. Furious typing at a computer is the only sound.

TRACEY, a Irish-Italian writer, dark hair and glasses, pauses for a sip of water.

TRACEY

Brilliant. This story I’m writing could not be more brilliant.

DISOLVE TO:

INT. TRACEY’S MIND – DAY

Thoughts and ideas and images of cute puppies abound.

An EGO, slightly translucent, flickers in and out.

EGO

I must agree. There’s virtually nothing wrong with this story.

DISOLVE TO:

INT. TRACEY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

TRACEY lounges on the bed, reading a book.

TRACEY

This is ridiculous! All of the problems in this book would be solved in a paragraph if THEY WOULD JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER.

EGO

(voiceover)

You’d never do that.

INTERCUT CONVERSATION

TRACEY

And—come on!—how has she not put these clues together yet? That’s it, she’s an idiot. How she will manage to save the world with that intellect is beyond me.

EGO

Well, your own character acts pretty stupid in that one scene where she doesn’t pick up on the clues…

TRACEY

(voice rising)

Okay, and really? You’re still going to think the bad boy with a heart of gold isn’t your true love just because he’s a loner? Because that’s about the only bad boy thing he’s done in 113 pages. Just get to the kissing already.

EGO

Like your Bad Boy is any better. Has he robbed anyone? Cheated? Murdered? Cussed?

TRACEY

(silence)

EGO

I thought so.

TRACEY

Shut up. Aren’t you supposed to, you know, build up my self-esteem?

EGO

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

TRACEY

I’m talking about you ripping apart my book like I’ve been ripping apart this book! I’m talking about you pointing out every problem in my book the minute I notice it in this book!

EGO

You’re being overly dramatic. A little dose of reality never killed anyone.

TRACEY

Reality? My book is twice the book half of this one is!

EGO

You’re bringing out the math. This can’t be good.

TRACEY

(screaming)

IT IS NEVER GOOD WHEN MATH IS INVOLVED!

EGO

True. So try this on: Your book is half the book two of those are.

TRACEY

You’re right. I’m a terrible writer. My book is terrible. I am going to die a failure at writing, a failure at life itself.

EGO

(coughing words under breath)

Drama queen.

TRACEY

(sobbing)

It’s no use! Go on without me! Oh, woe is me!

EGO

(grumbling)

You’re wonderful and you’re brilliant and your hair looks really nice today.

TRACEY

Really?

EGO

Um, yeah, sure. Listen, it’s a good thing you read those annoying books because you can learn what not to do. And since you’re in the middle of writing it, you can make changes before anyone else’s ego has to go through the torture I'm currently withstanding.

TRACEY

That’s exactly what I’m going to do. Thanks!

EGO

No problem.

TRACEY

Did you really mean what you said? About my hair?

EGO

Did I mention your book is going to be great, eventually?

DISOLVE TO: BLACK