The Teen with Special Abilities Guide to High School Life (3rd Edition)

So, you’re developing a superpower or paranormal ability. If everything seems out of whack, don’t worry. Your body is changing in ways you may not understand, and it’s normal to feel out of control.

As you go through supernatural puberty, you may find that your emotions are affected, too. How you feel about yourself, your friends, and your family may shift. And that’s okay. Remember, you’re not the first boy or girl to deal with a changing body.

As your body ushers you into adulthood, you may be faced with changes in other areas of your life. During supernatural puberty, hormones may run rampant. Girls develop crushes on bad boys. Boys grow facial hair and sometimes fangs.

But you are not alone. We’re here to help you deal with the life changes you’ll soon be experiencing. Read on for the Cliff Notes version of issues you’ll come across in your soon-to-be high school life.

The totally hot but constantly cranky dude who appears to be stalking you

This is the guy who you are going to marry. Instead of returning his sinister glare, smile at the future father of your children. Sure, he may sulk in the corner, refuse to talk to anyone, and show up in your bedroom in the middle of the night, but it’s for your own good. Plus, he’s hot. Like, hotter than any guy you’ve ever met. Expect tingly feelings.

The adorable best friend with a massive crush on you

When you’re dying to spill your secrets, turn to the nice guy you’ve known for your entire life. He’s so hopelessly in love with you, he’d follow you to the underworld and back. There’s a 99.9 percent chance he’ll hate your new stalker boyfriend, but once you rub in his face how completely and irrevocably in love you are with the bad-tempered boy, the Best Friend will stick by your side.

The new kid

You’ll recognize the New Kid by his careful leaning against walls and lockers as well as a crooked smile that melts even the frigid Queen Bee’s heart. In some school systems, smokin’ hot, surly stalkers are frowned upon and, in such cases, the New Kid will be the object of your affection. But be careful: In many schools, the New Kid may appear harmless only to spring his hidden (and usually nefarious) agenda on you at the worst possible moment.

Your favorite teacher

Any teacher who treats you like an adult, shows interest in your life, and offers to help you in any way should be avoided at all costs. He is, most likely, evil. If he is moderately to severely attractive, your life may be in danger.

 

The creepy teacher

Like the scowling boy you’ll eventually make out with, your most sinister teacher is your ally in disguise. If you believe he’s attempting to thwart your plans, avoid retaliation. Chances are, he is trying to protect you and you’re too stupid to see it right now.

Your parents

You have a special ability? Good, now forget about your parents. That is, until they are A) are abducted, B) in the way, or C) revealed to be evil.

Your homework

Everything you learn in class applies to your life. Think you don’t need calculus? Study up anyway. In a few weeks, you’ll need problem 25 on page 94 to save the world.

Your dreams

These will basically tell you the answer to all of your problems. Might want to invest in a dream journal.

Your loner status

Does your ability set you apart from your peers? Are you different even among other people with superpowers or paranormal abilities? Congratulations, you’re the Chosen One. You’re probably going to save the world someday very soon. Go you.

Your looks

Supernatural puberty can make you self-conscious about your looks. But take heart: Even though you think your glowing silver eyes or suddenly white hair make you hideous or even ho-hum, you’re gorgeous. See also: the super-hot emo loner, your cute best friend, and the new kid, all of whom are in love with you.

Dearest readers, before I make pamphlets of this very important message, tell me about any points I may have missed.

For image sources, click photo.

A Short Story in YA Covers

A little story for you guys, told with the help of some very lovely young adult book covers.*

 Once upon a time, there was a girl stuck in a glass bubble.

 Like most girls who live in bubbles, Anna was chronically depressed.

But thanks to a team of stylists and makeup artists, Anna spent her mostly depressed days in extravagant getups most unbubbled teenagers couldn’t even find at their local Hollister.

 

One day, during a freak hailstorm, Anna’s bubble shattered.

But all was not perfect, and Anna realized too late that without her gravity bubble, she would easily float away.

And so she sunk into another depression.

Out of options, Anna traded her delicate ballet flats for weighted boots that would keep her feet planted firmly on the ground.

She stepped outside to find a harsh world.

Whipping winds tossed her hair over her face. She batted it back with a flick of the wrist.

But the wind persisted.

“This is war,” she said to the night wind.

Then she put her hair into a ponytale.

Anna set out on bike—no easy feat considering her weighted boots—to find another human on this desolate planet.

Soon, she came to a turquoise lake. When she leaned over the water, she imagined herself back in the bubble, still rocking those impractical yet fabulous dresses. And still wearing her hair down instead of in a ponytail like a bad “before” shot in a cheesy teen movie.

She slipped on the slick earth. In an instant, she was under water. It all happened so fast, and Anna’s heart was pounding so hard and her lungs were squeezed so tight that she didn’t know which way was up.

Strong arms circled her. Were they holding her down or pulling her out?

And then she was being carried from the lake. She curled into a ball, her lungs still fighting for air.

A boy lowered her to the ground, pinched her nose, and leaned in close, closer, closer—

“I don’t need mouth to mouth, you idiot!” Anna yelled, which made her cough, which made lake water pour out of her mouth. “You’re supposed to check for a pulse first.” But then she saw the look in the boy’s face—a mix between hurt, annoyance, and murderous rage—and her eyes found the ground. “Thanks,” she whispered.

With that, she was in his arms. Her hair had come undone in the water and the wind pushed it behind her face. Somehow, with this stunning boy in front of her, little annoyances like that—or the fact that her boots clashed with her haute couture gown—didn’t seem to matter.

And because she really didn’t care about the boots at all, she bent down and removed them. The boy, whose gorgeous looks seemed to grown on unused brain cells, removed his, too.

Soon they were in the air, the wind swirling around them. “Crap. Gravity,” the boy said, holding on to her tightly.

The wind picked up, tossing them in separate directions. Her hand grabbed for his, but he was being pulled further and further away.

           

At the last minute, wings unfurled from his back. “What the—” Anna stopped when he rammed into her, driving her back toward the earth.

They ended up in a tree, in possibly the most uncomfortable and awkward position to ever have graced a YA book cover.

“Are you my guardian angel?” she asked. The boy (whose name she learned was Gus—it seemed only proper to exchange names considering she was sitting on a tree between his legs, resting on his stomach) laughed. “No, not an angel. I’m a mutant. I used to be human and now I’ve been … altered.”

Well, she thought, he might not be human, but he was hot. So they got down from the tree (safety first), put on their heavy boots, and made out like crazy.

But after a while she kind of wasn’t into it.

“I could kiss you forever,” Gus said. Anna crossed her fingers behind her back. “Me too.”

When his tongue was done mauling hers, Gus and his mutant wings flew away to save other girls in need. Anna sat on the cold ground and went back to being depressed.

It wasn’t until she felt something icy against her cheek that she noticed the butterfly incased in ice. “Just like I used to be,” she said, thinking of her glass bubble as she held the cube. “You’re better off staying in there, little guy.”

As she spoke to the butterfly, the ice began to melt. But Anna was too sad to notice so she talked and talked to the frozen butterfly until it wasn’t in ice anymore.

Before she could tell it she was sorry, a gust of wind rushed across the plain, and the little butterfly was swept up, up into the sky.

*To read more about any of these books, click the cover.