Why Reading Bad Books Is Good

FADE IN:

INT. TRACEY’S APARTMENT – DAY

A dim room with the curtains still drawn from the night before. Furious typing at a computer is the only sound.

TRACEY, a Irish-Italian writer, dark hair and glasses, pauses for a sip of water.

TRACEY

Brilliant. This story I’m writing could not be more brilliant.

DISOLVE TO:

INT. TRACEY’S MIND – DAY

Thoughts and ideas and images of cute puppies abound.

An EGO, slightly translucent, flickers in and out.

EGO

I must agree. There’s virtually nothing wrong with this story.

DISOLVE TO:

INT. TRACEY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

TRACEY lounges on the bed, reading a book.

TRACEY

This is ridiculous! All of the problems in this book would be solved in a paragraph if THEY WOULD JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER.

EGO

(voiceover)

You’d never do that.

INTERCUT CONVERSATION

TRACEY

And—come on!—how has she not put these clues together yet? That’s it, she’s an idiot. How she will manage to save the world with that intellect is beyond me.

EGO

Well, your own character acts pretty stupid in that one scene where she doesn’t pick up on the clues…

TRACEY

(voice rising)

Okay, and really? You’re still going to think the bad boy with a heart of gold isn’t your true love just because he’s a loner? Because that’s about the only bad boy thing he’s done in 113 pages. Just get to the kissing already.

EGO

Like your Bad Boy is any better. Has he robbed anyone? Cheated? Murdered? Cussed?

TRACEY

(silence)

EGO

I thought so.

TRACEY

Shut up. Aren’t you supposed to, you know, build up my self-esteem?

EGO

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

TRACEY

I’m talking about you ripping apart my book like I’ve been ripping apart this book! I’m talking about you pointing out every problem in my book the minute I notice it in this book!

EGO

You’re being overly dramatic. A little dose of reality never killed anyone.

TRACEY

Reality? My book is twice the book half of this one is!

EGO

You’re bringing out the math. This can’t be good.

TRACEY

(screaming)

IT IS NEVER GOOD WHEN MATH IS INVOLVED!

EGO

True. So try this on: Your book is half the book two of those are.

TRACEY

You’re right. I’m a terrible writer. My book is terrible. I am going to die a failure at writing, a failure at life itself.

EGO

(coughing words under breath)

Drama queen.

TRACEY

(sobbing)

It’s no use! Go on without me! Oh, woe is me!

EGO

(grumbling)

You’re wonderful and you’re brilliant and your hair looks really nice today.

TRACEY

Really?

EGO

Um, yeah, sure. Listen, it’s a good thing you read those annoying books because you can learn what not to do. And since you’re in the middle of writing it, you can make changes before anyone else’s ego has to go through the torture I'm currently withstanding.

TRACEY

That’s exactly what I’m going to do. Thanks!

EGO

No problem.

TRACEY

Did you really mean what you said? About my hair?

EGO

Did I mention your book is going to be great, eventually?

DISOLVE TO: BLACK

The Belated Outline

I’m Tracey Neithercott, and you’re listening to 94.5 Writing FM. This one’s going out to all those pantsters out there.

We’re here talking about the belated outline, and it’s of particular importance to people who, as the kids are calling it these days, “pants” their way through a first draft. For those of you not familiar with the language of the cool writing cats, pantsers start a book without an outline, writing their way through the story until they hit the end.

Here at 94.5 Writing FM, we’re familiar with the pantsting way of life. In fact, Bob, weren’t you a pantster in the ’60s? I remember the trouble you got into with that.

Well, folks, that’s just the problem with pansting. As soon as you’re on your merry way you hit The End and realize the amount of revising you need to do. It’s a hard-knock life for a panster, but our guest today has a way to beat the post-pantsting blues.

Dr. Ican Dothis, thank you for joining us. We’re talking about the belated outline, and we have some callers on the line who have some questions for you. Let’s go to the first caller. “Hello?”

CALLER: “Yes.”

94.5 WRITING FM: “Hi and welcome to 94.5 Writing FM’s Panster Hour. Tell us your name and your question for Dr. Dothis.”

CALLER: “Yes. Well, my name is Imma Killmyself, and I’d like to know what the belated outline is.”

DR. DOTHIS: “Of course. The belated outline—or, as I like to call it, a boutline—is just like a regular outline, but you fill it out after you finish your first draft.”

94.5 WRITING FM: “Thanks Imma. Caller number two, you’re on with Dr. Dothis.”

CALLER: “Hi Dr. Dothis, this is Hel P. Mee and I’m a huge fan. How much detail should I put into my, uh, boutline?”

DR. DOTHIS: “As much as you think will be useful to you. A more filled-out online will be helpful if you decide to move sections around. It’ll also help you determine how the chapters flow, whether the pacing is spot-on or fatally flawed.”

94.5 WRITING FM: “All right, folks, our phone lines are lighting up like a Christmas tree, but we only have time for one more caller. Number 3, you’re on with Dr. Dothis.”

CALLER: “Hi, Dr. Dothis. I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. I was a mess, living for chocolate and coffee and nothing else until I saw you on Oprah. You changed my life.”

DR. DOTHIS: “Well, you’re quite welcome. Best of luck with your boutline.”

94.5 WRITING FM: “It’s been a pleasure having you here Dr. Dothis. Do you have any parting words of wisdom for our listeners?”

DR. DOTHIS: “Revision is a part of the writing process wither you outline or jump right in. If diving in with only a nugget of an idea can help you get the words down, then there’s nothing wrong with that. But many a writer had been lead astray by characters who fill their author’s brain with nonsense. And that’s where the boutline comes in. It reins in the story so needless subplots or meandering text can be brought to light and snuffed out.

Reading a book as a whole is one thing, but when it comes to revising a first draft, creating an outline based on that draft just ensures the pieces fit together properly. And during revisions, it’s much easier to rearrange a boutline than refer to the text time and again.”

 Sage words form the foremost expert in belated outlines, Dr. Ican Dothis.

Our lines are open and we want to hear from you: Do you outline at any time during the process? How do you edit the very first draft of a new story?

Thanks for joining us today for the Panster Hour. Sit back, relax, and let the words flow.